How to Divorce a Narcissist and Reclaim Your Life

Recognizing the Need to Leave

Are you beginning to realize that no matter how hard you try in your relationship, it is unlikely that it’s going to get better and perhaps will get even worse? Are you getting a sinking feeling that you may have no choice but to leave the marriage and are terrified at the same time? Are you questioning yourself as to why you are staying so long in a relationship where you always have one foot out the door? The manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse, or worse that you are experiencing in this marriage is  leaving you feeling confused and drained to the point where you are afraid to stay, and afraid to go. 

Understanding the Effects of a Narcissistic Relationship

The effects of a narcissistic relationship can leave you questioning your own reality and not trusting your decision-making. You may feel psychologically bound to your spouse where you may believe you will not survive without them. Learning and recognizing the patterns of a narcissistic relationship is the first step in reconnecting with yourself so you can begin to create some awareness to see your situation more clearly.

The longer you have been in this relationship and the older you are the more overwhelming it may feel to get out. The same is true if there are shared assets such as a mortgage and if there are children in the relationship. You would like to think that once you leave the relationship, your narcissistic spouse will become a person of reason and along with the help of a family lawyer, the matter will be settled quickly. Unfortunately, this is usually not the case when divorcing a narcissist.

Most often, once you decide to end the relationship with a narcissist, the abuse escalates. If you begin legal proceedings for separation and divorce, the post-separation abuse starts. They need to have everything on their terms. The narcissist will stop at nothing to have you return to the relationship by using tactics such as turning your children against you and monopolizing the marital home. 

A Narcissist’s Agenda During the Divorce Process

Scorched Earth – Legal Aid only helps if you qualify and it is for co-parenting agreements only, asset division is not covered. In terms of asset division, the narcissist will do everything they can in their power to get you to tap out financially before any payout with mounting legal fees. 

They Want to Win

There are no winners in divorce except for a narcissist. It will seem hard to comprehend that someone who professed they loved you is now cold and ruthless where every move they make is showing you how little you actually meant to them. They will use your children to hurt you, and it will have little effect on the narcissist.

They Will Drag It Out

Divorcing a narcissist could be one of the most heartbreaking and brutalizing experiences someone can ever go through. The narcissist will make it go on for years and unfortunately the courts are complicit labeling these cases as a high-conflict divorce.

Is it possible to divorce a narcissist? Yes it is. Realistically speaking, you can expect this process to be one of the most painful periods of your life as you will be literally fighting for your life. A narcissist’s sense of power and control over you can even include their unwillingness to let you have your own life back and their wanting to destroy you as you are not accepting their abuse any longer.

Seek the Support You Deserve

Working with an antagonism-informed counsellor who has lived experience successfully navigating divorce from a narcissist can provide critical guidance during the contemplation phase of your decision. Developing the right mindset is essential for planning a successful exit and following through to the end. The Inner Strength Boundary System: A2LDS helps establish a sense of internal safety, empowering you to make confident choices for your future.

At Blue Onion Counselling, the space is agenda-free, offering compassionate support no matter your decision. Whether you choose to stay in the marriage or leave, the focus is on helping you move from despair and confusion to a place of conscious participation and safety.

Connect with Christine Ellis, a Registered Professional Counsellor, to schedule your complimentary 30-minute consultation call today.