Am I The Narcissist in My Relationship?
This question may have crossed your mind, especially if you've been introspective about your role and behaviour in your relationship. Or perhaps, you’ve received feedback from your partner or a family member where they said they believe you have narcissistic qualities. The term "narcissist" is everywhere you look these days, and in the context of relationships, it can show up as emotional distance, manipulation, and a lack of empathy.
What Does It Mean to Be a Narcissist?
Narcissistic characteristics come from a place of:
An inflated sense of self-importance,
A need for constant admiration,
An inability to comprehend or care about the feelings of others.
It's important to understand that narcissistic behaviour exists on a spectrum. At one end, there's healthy self-esteem and confidence, while at the other, there's Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a serious and diagnosable mental health condition. Not everyone who exhibits narcissistic traits has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
For that reason, it’s not about the label of narcissist—it’s about how these traits impact the people around you. So, let’s break down some of the signs and patterns to look out for.
Signs You Might Be the Narcissist in your Relationship
1. You Expect Special Treatment
Do you expect your partner or family member to prioritize your needs above theirs, often without considering their feelings or preferences? Do you often believe that you deserve more or that rules don’t apply to you in the relationship?
2. You Struggle with Empathy
Do you find it difficult to empathize with your partner or family member when they're upset? Do you dismiss their emotions as trivial or unreasonable? Do you actively listen to the other person without interrupting or judging?
3. You Manipulate to Get What You Want
Do you fear rejection, loss or conflict if you don’t control the situation? What triggers you to manipulate instead of addressing your needs more openly?
Is It Really Narcissism, or Something Else?
While labeling behaviours can help us understand relationship challenges, it's even more beneficial to identify the origins of these patterns and recognize how they no longer serve you in a positive way. By doing so, you can explore healthier ways of interacting in your relationships which can improve your overall well-being.
How to Address Unhelpful Behaviours in Relationships
If you’ve recognized problematic behaviours in yourself, don’t panic—this awareness is the first step towards growth. Life is an inside job. Here’s how you can work on making changes in your relationship:
1. Self-Reflection
Facing hard truths about your actions and motivations in relationships is an essential step forward. Consider whether your actions influence your partner or family member’s emotional state. Do you interrupt them often, dismiss their feelings, or prioritize your needs over theirs? Honest self-reflection is crucial for change.
2. Seek Professional Help with a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor
Unhelpful behaviour patterns often stem from past experiences or trauma. A therapeutic counsellor can help you understand these patterns, reconnect with your inner self, and set boundaries based on your values.
3. Set Goals for Change
Goals provide accountability and direction for self-discovery. Sustainable change is achieved through small incremental steps, fostering action and growth over time. While setbacks may occur, maintaining commitment to the process reveals improvement in our relationships - with ourselves and others.
Conclusion: Navigating the Path to Healthier Relationships
Asking, Am I the narcissist in my relationship? is an important question, but only if it is the beginning of a deeper journey into self-awareness and emotional growth. By acknowledging your behaviours, understanding their impact, and making a commitment to change, you can begin to cultivate more compassionate, empathetic, and balanced relationships in your life.
Connect with Christine Ellis, RTC, RPC-C to schedule your 30-minute complimentary consultation today.
